Monday, 25 May 2015

Why a Simple Car Ride with Kids is Not so Simple

It is time for a quick stop at the shops for bread and milk. Easy, right? Not when you have two little kids.

Here is how it goes. 

Pack nappy bag, handbag and a snack (because my kids get hungry wherever we go). Locate pram. 

Pop in baby bottle and a water bottle for big sister (she just HAS to get a drink because he has one). 

Locate car keys which toddler has placed securely in the dustbin for safekeeping. Disinfect keys. Check that electronic components still work after disinfecting.

Clean kids up a bit so they do not look like they live in a sewer. Toddler nappy explosion occurs- change nappy and repeat clean up process.

Call for kids four times. Get told that we have to wait till Sophia the First finishes.

 Call for a fifth time then drag kids out.

Lock up house. Ensure that all doors and windows are locked, electric fence is on and alarm activated (this is Johannesburg, South Africa, known for its high crime rate). 

Unlock car. Place handbag and nappy bag in car. Place pram in the boot.

By this point minors may have escaped. Chase said minors around the yard to get them into car.

Have five minute debate with four year old on why she needs to be strapped in her car seat. Strap four year old into seat while continuing said debate.

Drag giggling one year old from driver's seat and forcefully place in rear car seat and strap up while he wriggles and squirms. Provide one year old with a stuffed toy in the hopes of him settling. Retrieve stuffed toy from floor three times before giving up.

Close rear car doors.

Get into driver side door. Close driver side door. Put on seat belt. 

Give in to request for nursery rhyme CD. 

Lock car doors and scan driveway exit point for potential house burglars and hijackers (this is Johannesburg, South Africa remember). Say a prayer for your safety and that of your family and possessions while out on this momentous journey.

Get ready to reverse out of driveway.

You've got this. Finally ready to go.

Then comes the dreaded sound from the back seat... "Mommy, I really, really need the bathroom ... right now!!!".

Sigh. Repeat entire process.